I suck at this.

There was once a time when I was religious about posting to my blog. This was years and years
ago, (I was doing the blog thing before it was "in") and it was both good and bad. It was good in
the sense that I was writing EVERYTHING out and it was a good way to stay connected to
friends near and far. It was bad in the sense that ... I was writing EVERYTHING and a lot of my
posts sounded like verbal diarrhea (hey, I was young and needed an outlet). However, at least I
was doing it consistently which is more than I can say for my writing these days.

I have also decided that I might be bipolar. :) My last post was so motivational (at least, in part,
to me) and I was so excited to go and sign up for the 1/2 marathon in Vancouver, B.C... and in
less than 2 months I'm beginning to question whether or not I want to do it. I haven't
completely changed my mind, but there are some serious doubts that are beginning to lay their
foundations in my head. It's not like me to give up so easily, but I have to be honest with
myself... and sometimes honesty hurts. Can I really do this? It sounds so ridiculous when I
say it out loud but it's what I ask myself every time that I set out for a run and it's what I've
been thinking about for the past 2+ weeks.

Over Valentines Day weekend, a few friends and I ran the "Love 'em or Leave 'em" 5k dash
around Greenlake located in Seattle. Okay, that's a lie. I ran by myself because there were
3000+ people at the race and I couldn't find my friends until after the race. I thought it would
be easy to find the girls since we agreed to wear ridiculous thigh-high socks, but apparently we
were not the only ones that had that brilliant idea. Translation = copious amounts of ridiculous
socks, costumes, pink tutus and everything else awesome that comes in red, pink and white.
At any rate, I put on my ipod, counted down with the crowd and started the race. A 5k is
3.1 miles which is exactly the distance around the lake (although, just looking at the lake one
would think it was actually 10 miles), so that visual was not a good way to start my run. It felt
like I was already defeated. Really? I have to run around the whole lake?? I must have had a
good start and pace because around mile 2, I literally broke down. I started crying. It felt
harder than it needed to and all I could think about was the pain I was experiencing in my
calves, IT band, stomach, shoulder, etc. I was so frustrated, and the only thing I could do was
cry it out, because there was no way I was going to stop running... it's only 3.1 miles!! Just
when I thought I was going to die from everything extreme, I approached the "Tunnel of Love"
and I knew that the finish line was just around the corner. I dried my eyes, rolled up my sleeves
and blasted my ipod. I picked up speed with each second of Justin Bieber's "Baby" and passed
people that had rolled by me earlier. It felt good to catch up to them (that's my competitive
spirit kicking in) and go sprinting by. I pushed a little harder towards the finish and passed the
2 girls that had been kicking my ass earlier, and did a small fist pump in my head. It was over,
and I couldn't be happier. It would be a while before they posted the times, so I just tried to
focus on finding my peeps so we could get our brunch on. I was in full starvation mode.

Finally we connected and did a photo op: (I'm in the middle, Kristen on the left, Caitie on the right)

So hot right now.

Eventually the times and race stats were posted. My time was 24:03, with 7:46 miles. I
was the 98th girl out of 1673 females. No wonder I was in pain! Uhm, that's a bit faster
than what I was training (8:20 miles)... whoops. Oh well, it felt good to shave off more than
a minute off of my 5k PR. Congrats also to Kristen and Caitie on their times! They crossed
the finish line, holding hands as team Cupid's Angels. I think that's so sweet.

Even after learning of my good 5k time, I was still thinking about the struggles I go through
when I run/race. I'm not saying that I'm constantly thinking about pain and despair and how
much its currently sucking to run; I often have amazing runs, when all I want to do is keep
going... but those mostly happen when I'm alone on the pavement (well, I've got Gaga, Katy
Perry, Rihanna, Passion Pit and a bunch of others with me to party), just de-stressing and 
winding my day down. I don't really think about my pace, or distance... I just run until I've
either worked out the problem or my body kindly tells me to stop. That's the epiphany I had
while chowing down on my delicious avocado scramble and roasted corn-cakes at 5-Spot
with the crew. The environment on race day gives me a mini panic attack. I'm surrounded by
all of these people checking their watches to make sure they're on pace, I get stressed out
when people that look like they shouldn't be passing me... pass me, and I eventually end up
running much faster than I normally would. That last bit isn't anything bad but it does cause
mid-race meltdowns. :) So, I guess I'm asking myself why I sign up for these races? What's
the point? Why do I need to sign up for the Vancouver 1/2 marathon? Just to prove to myself
I can run the mileage? If I wanted to do that, I would just lace up my shoes and go for a nice
13.1 mile run. I guess I don't have the answer to that question yet, and it's why I'm holding off
my registration to the 1/2 marathon in Vancouver, BC. Besides, $75 is a lot of dough to pay
for potentially a lot of frustration.

However, I'm all registered for the St. Paddy's Dash in Seattle and I couldn't be more excited!
Weird mileage (slightly more than a 5k) and BEER! I've got to put together my green outfit.
Also, Verns Ultimate Frisbee is back, which means Inez will be about 1000x happier on
Friday nights. TIME TO LAYOUT ALREADY!